My Approach
&
Perspectives
I use a trauma-informed and attachment-focused approach based on nearly a decade of experience and evidence based practices.
On one hand, that means that I believe our earliest experiences create a baseline for how we show up in relationships, how we understand ourselves, and how cope with stress, loss, change, and painful life events in the now.
On the other hand, I also believe that it is never too late. You are not broken.
I do not see our experiences with trauma, depression, anxiety, grief, or relationship troubles as defects. Rather, we are trying to learn essential things about our lives, our relationships, and how we connect with the world around us.
Sometimes what we learn is that we have a deep reservoir for healing and creativity. Sometimes we deepen our capacity to be with difficult experiences and foster resilience. Sometimes we are learning what safety feels like for the first time.
I see the therapeutic relationship as a way for us to experience ourselves and brave taking risks in a relationship built on safety, curiosity, and compassion. I believe that you are at the center of the therapeutic process and bring with you a lifetime of experience and wisdom that is integral to the process. I integrate modalities that are appropriate for your particular needs from Motivational Interviewing (MI), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and existential therapy.
What to expect
on attachment
Attachment is the way we orient ourselves to others.
We may approach relationships like a picture of a trail in the woods: we may see it as calm and inviting or we may feel a sense of suspense, aloneness, and fear of what’s waiting for you. Sometimes you may feel like you’re walking these woods all alone. You may feel like you must tread lightly and be small to be undetected, or you may have to be armed to the teeth and vigilant to be at ease.
Our early attachments inform us on how we show up in our relationships.
We learn early on what parts of ourselves are allowed and what parts are disavowed.
You may have had caregivers or partners that could be with your happiness and curiosity. However, when you found yourself alone to manage your feelings of shame, anger, sadness, or worry.
When we are unable to have people be with these emotions, we are unable to co-regulate them to be less distressing. As adults, these emotions can become ruminative, helpless feeling, or even out of control. In their silence, they become a powerful force in our lives and relationships.
I invite you to explore these vital parts, to bring them into a safe and contained relationship, and reduce the distress and disorganization that accompanies these experiences.
Working with trauma means working at glacial pace sometimes. Your nervous system is thawing from a frost of hyper-vigilance or shutting down because it was not safe to be otherwise. Trauma causes a strong response in us, especially if it is repeated, to freeze our nervous systems in time to be able to respond to threat and danger greater than ordinary stress. It may be safe now, but you are still scanning for danger.
Our work will move at the speed of trust. I stay alongside you as your story unfolds with the felt sense of safety. I do not confront what has happened to you, rather, we co-create a place where you can feel secure enough to acknowledge it.
I recognize that trauma comes from both our experiences with relationships and traumatic events but also with systems of oppression that marginalize people based on race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, and age.
Similarly, grief can shock our systems with loss. Grief is the other side of attachment. If attachment is saying “hello, I’m with you", grief is the painful "good-bye.” Whether we are parting with a loved one, a home we once had, or a life that is no longer accessible, we are often never taught what to do after that good-bye.
I invite this natural process into our space knowing it carries nuance, complexity, and a nonlinear journey through the losses and gifts of grief.
Trauma & Grief
Parenting
Being a parent can be everything but what we expected sometimes. Feelings such as anger, sadness, disconnection, or just the overwhelm of it all can catch us off guard. I believe that caregivers deserve care too. I welcome parents into a nonjudgemental space where they don’t have to know it all or do it all on their own. I like helping parents not just understand how understand what is happening inside of them when parenting isn’t easy, but to support them through their own whole person experiences and challenges.
I work especially well with dads wanting to find more attuned ways to be with their children but may not have the tools yet.
I run a supportive processing group for dads to foster community, discuss the pivotal identity of fatherhood in our lives, challenge stuck gender norms, and reflect on how our parenting is impacted how we were parented.